I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
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So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
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I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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