my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
