Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
