And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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