never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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