sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Randomize
