did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
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I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
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"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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