One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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