Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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