It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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