Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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