Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
