dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
