I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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