Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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