she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
