I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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