the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
