drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
