I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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