why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize