Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
