Non-Jews are for practice
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
