Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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