I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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