So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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