I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
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Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
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Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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