it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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