note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
