it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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