i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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