His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
All the doctor said was why
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
