I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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