Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
