I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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