Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
