I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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