Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
