this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize