I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
