After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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