I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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