You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Found the puke drawer
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
