I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
