I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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