Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The ass gains better be worth it
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
