I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Come on in and take your pants off
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