I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
