if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
