So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
