So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
