We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
