Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
