You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
