I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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